You know the feeling….
When you’ve had a morning from hell… rushing here and there….
and your brain will just not…
So what did I do. Decide I would go to my spinning class.
Was I in the mood? Nope
Would I go anyway? Yep
Some how, some way, something would help
I’ve had a lot going on in my life, new additions, family departures (to the white clouds… not to a different country) and had to take time away from work to support family (I love my job and miss it when I’m not there) so I know why I’m feeling the way I am.
Well in my head anyway… How have I come to this conclusion? Because I love to layer and anchor my negative thinking… it’s my default state.
I make myself exercise three times a week, because I realise that physical exercise helps keep my mind clean and my body healthy. Anyhoo, been feeling a bit – that’s life. For me, thriving in my life is finding my shine, but being OK not to shine 100%. The pressure to be happy all the time is unrealistic, and it’s what used to keep me I a depressed state.
Now I connect with my happy, but I also connect with my blargh. And blargh is definitely how I was feeling today – I’m finding lots of blargh evidence to support the belief that today is very blargh.
Do you know that blargh feeling? It’s a shrug of the shoulders, not feeling sad, but not feeling happy, just getting on with existing.
So in my spinning class, at 6:30am, feeling blargh, wasn’t liking the music, every track seemed to take about 10 minutes, and my thighs really weren’t working, they were just burning… tried a couple times (but not with a lot of conviction) to scream in my head“ Come on!, you can do it, you LOVE this” but wasn’t really working.
I’m too blargh to save my kids from a zombie apocalypse
As I mentioned before, I know my default way of thinking is “I can’t do it”, “I don’t want to do it” so usually I can nudge my mind in the right direction but today, nope, it was firmly fixed in the blargh…
So much so, that I had gone through the whole scenario of a zombie apocalypse and war type situation.
I would probably be to blargh to protect my children.
I would just give in, like I always do….
🙁 That feeling of defeat is just downright nasty….it’s truly ‘orrible.
So how do I deal with ‘The Blargh’ – first of all recognise it’s what I’m doing to myself.
Feeling bad about myself, not being good enough, is a belief I used to have. It’s my default way of thinking. It’s not how I choose to think now!
However, now I know what values I’m connecting to (self-worth) I can respond in a healthier way. I am good enough, I would die trying to save my kids, I wake up everyday excited about the opportunities I will create for myself (sometimes it just takes a little while to kick in)
Let’s step back and focus on what I am doing!
I got up at 5:30am, I went spinning, I stayed for the whole class, I ate a healthy breakfast and I’m up, and out and at work – making the world a better place – so stick that in your pipe and smoke it ‘Mr Default Negative Thinking’.
I’m doing an amazing job and I recognise what I have done, and what I am doing – not some fictional world I can create just to reinforce that I’m not good enough. For me, stepping back and recognising what I’m doing – in this case, I want more self-worth – I recognise that beating myself up for what I’m NOT doing isn’t a useful coping mechanism. What’s more helpful, is saying OK, you want to get self-worth – let’s look at all the amazing stuff you do every day…
And as a side note – morning and evening affirmations are great for that – and I haven’t done mine for about 2 weeks – so that explains a lot now I’m thinking about it. I’ve written a script, that I read every morning and night that reminds me how amazing I am and how great my life is… it really does work – you should try it!
So, now, I’m much more HOORAH than blargh, I’ve readjusted and learnt another way I can choose to respond in a healthy way to my feelings, thoughts and values!